Scott Marr

Dean Marr 1974 - 2010

 

A little after 3.00pm on Saturday April 3rd Scott's treasured, most beloved brother Dean passed away.  Scott was with him,sitting by his bed, for which he will be eternally grateful. He so easily may not have been.

Dean said several times during his final hours that he didn't want to go, that he wanted to stay.  Finally Scott reassured him that it would all be OK, that Dean would be fine.  Dean's breathing slowed, his pulse slowed.  

And then he was gone.

Scott and Amy and the rest of Dean's family are grieving now.  Scott is grateful that he had the opportunity to look after Dean in his last few days, bathing and toileting him ,looking after his brother in the most intimate of circumstances. There was laughter and lots and lots of love.  

"In a box, not a very big box

There a few, not very many, reminders of someone's existence.

In the box, fragile yet strong, are a pair of glasses.

These are his glasses.

They helped him see.

He did not need glasses though,

To speak 

His heart's words.

I love you, you're beautiful.

He did not need glasses though,

To reach out with his hand and gently lay it in another's.

He did not need glasses though,

To live his life, to sing his song."

Dean

 

Today I met Scott's grandmother, Joan, his aunt Virginia and his beloved brother Dean.  Scott and I want to write about the massive importance of his grandmother in his life but today I am writing about Dean.

You see, we all met by Dean's bedside in a local hospital here in the mountains.  Dean was only three months old when he was diagnosed with diabetes and at four months he went into a coma which caused brain swelling and subsequent brain damage.  At four years of age he suffered multiple epileptic fits.  Many was the time when he was expected to die and yet he did not.

He charmed the nurses and me by telling us we are beautiful and that he loves us.

And yet , as his aunt pointed out , when he says the same thing to his grandmother and to Scott , the love is spilling out from every pore.  He adores these two people.

  

 
   

Scott tends to Dean with great care and gentleness.  He lovingly grows stern with him when Dean flicks him on the leg (an old game between the two brothers) once too many times.  Dean sits with us in the visitors lounge and his laugh bubbles out of him like a pure spring.  I am lucky to see him so animated, as yesterday he was apparently quite flat. He laughs at the camera and seems to enjoy having his photo taken.

His family are not sure how much more time they have with Dean.  He is suffering renal failure and his time left here can be measured in weeks.  The family are determined that these last days will be filled with grace and dignity.  

"Scott," he murmurs after a while.

"Yes Mate" says Scott.

"I think I am getting a bit tired" Dean says.

And Scott gently takes him back to his bed.

I am privileged to be allowed to spend this time with his beloved Dean.